Amsterdam realizations and the ever uncertain future
It’s taken me a long time to get more comfortable with uncertainty. As much as we would like to, it is impossible to control everything. It can be really hard sometimes to trust that things will work out because my anxiety in the back of my brain says “But will it? Will it really work out?” It’s somewhat ironic, I think, that I don’t like uncertainty, yet I was so excited to go forward with a semester full of it. Traveling is an uncertain thing, and so many things can go wrong. But, I’ve figured out how to make my own peace with it.
Since I’ve been in Glasgow, I’ve gotten a lot less anxious about traveling. I’ve taken a good amount of weekend trips at this point, as well as a longer trip with my family about a month ago. Now, I am preparing to go on a 26 day trip with my friends, through 14 cities, and 10 countries. Yes, that sounds insane. But, it also is exciting! I am lucky enough that my program has three weeks for spring break, as well as an extra week for studying for final exams. For parts of the spring break trip, I will have to take flights, trains, and buses by myself. I am always meeting up with friends in different places, but sometimes I have to travel on my own to get there. So, I was glad that I got to practice this during this past weekend when I visited my best friend, Swetha, in Amsterdam for the weekend.
My biggest take away from my Amsterdam trip was shock at my own capability. It sounds like a simple thing, to believe in your own capability, but it is definitely is very underrated. Getting myself from my flat in Glasgow all the way to the airport, and then to meet up with my friend in Amsterdam was definitely a feat-- but after I had done it, I was so proud of myself. Yes, traveling can be scary, and yes, I did accidentally go to the wrong hotel at first, but most importantly, I figured it out.
Believing in your own capability means knowing in the core of your being that you are smart enough and capable enough of doing whatever it is you need to do. It also means that the future doesn’t seem as scary anymore. Because I believe that I am capable, I know that whatever the future holds won’t be as scary, because I know I am capable enough to figure out what to do. I was talking to my flatmate Carter about this idea and he said: “you know, that is a very dangerous thing.” That hit home with me because it is a dangerous thing. It’s dangerous because if you know you are capable, then the limits and fears that you may have suddenly don’t seem to matter as much.
So, my wonderful readers, believe that you are capable. What are you uncertain about? Does the future scare you? It’s perfectly okay to be scared because even the most confident people in the world get scared. Whether it is that trip that you are taking soon, moving to a new city for a job or the uncertain future--know that you are capable enough to figure it out. Find comfort in that, because I know I did.
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